I wrote this poem shortly after we moved to Washington. It was my first trip home since the passing of my Dad, and I had so many emotions going through me at that time.
I miss him every day, and still almost 20 years later, I find myself hoping I have made him proud.
Daddy’s Little Girl
I brought you flowers,
Something I could only do
In my mind until now.
Too many years have gone by
So many miles in our way.
But I’m home now
Where my heart has been
Since the day I left.
I didn’t hear your words of welcome
Although I felt them.
I didn’t see your tears of joy with return
Though I tasted them.
When does a daughter grow up enough
To not be considered Daddy’s little girl?
Here I am in my thirties and I long to sit
On your knee and whisper
“I love you, Daddy.”
But today, I stand before your resting place
Peering at a name that seems so foreign
And yet, all too familiar.
It was too soon, my heart cries out
And you were too young.
So much I had hoped and dreamed of.
So much I longed and needed to say.
Now it seems so futile
All that matters is you’re gone.
Coming home was hard for me,
Harder than I ever thought.
You have always been there
And even after two years,
It seems unreal you’re not here.
And yet, how can you truly be gone?
Aren’t those your hands I see
When your Grandson sits at your work bench
Building your trains?
Aren’t those your blue eyes
I look into when your Granddaughter gazes
In my direction?
I see remnants of you all around me
And I wonder if I have made you proud.
Do your eyes still glisten with joy
When you see my life, and all that I have become?
Some questions will remain unanswered
Until I see your loving smile.
Some questions are not at all important
And I no longer need to ask why.
Today, I stand before your grave
Bringing flowers from my heart.
Knowing one day I will sit with you
In the land where you now dwell.
And I will snuggle in close to you
Whispering “I love you” in your ear
For time cannot erase the fact
I am still Daddy’s Little Girl.
K.Denn – January 2000