A Conversation

Driving home from work last week, I had a conversation with God. It was raw and real. It was an in-your-face kind of talk about the events that have happened these past several weeks.

I held nothing back.

Why should I? He already knew what I was feeling, but by audibly voicing them, I wanted to make sure He heard me.

If you’ve read my past two blogs, you know my husband is going through a difficult time right now, which is hard for me to watch.

This man has served his country for 20 years, served his community and always puts others before himself by giving his time, talent and money for those in need.

He is the one who taught me to see the good in people, without judgment, because we never know what is going on in their lives.

But right now, he is struggling to find the good in himself.

What was done to my husband was wrong on so many levels and the way it was done was nothing short of cruel. He was close to having the life he has worked so hard for, but now it has been set back by at least 10 years.

It makes me wonder how the people who tossed him aside so easily can sleep at night. God knows we’ve had nothing but sleepless nights since this whole event occurred.

And so, on that drive home, the gloves came off, and I got real with God.

Getting Real

I reminded Him that most of our adult life, we’ve followed the rules; we made sure to raise our children to be kind, benevolent people who knew He cared.

We practiced what we preached and encouraged others who were going through their darkest days, to trust Him and know that He would see them through.

We’ve stood and believed that when unspeakable things happened in the world around us, He will bring comfort and peace to those hurting.

I reminded him that even when we faced difficult times in the past, we remained faithful, and never doubted in Him or His promises.

I then told him, I was tired of it all.

I’m tired of jumping through all the hoops life throws at us, only to find ourselves a few years later facing a new challenge.

I told him I needed proof that He gave a damn about anything going on in our lives right now, and I presented Him with three opportunities He could use to prove himself. Any one of the three would have given me the answer I needed.

Our Requests Don’t Always Come The Way We Expect

The first opportunity came and went, as did the second and third one. I remember looking up and saying “Three strikes, God. I get it and accept that our measly problems don’t matter to you.

I had moved from anger to acceptance and understood that all I knew and believed for years, was merely wishful thinking.

And then God showed up.

The truth is, He was always there. I can admit that now. He was just waiting for me to stop throwing my temper tantrum and let Him be God.

God uses strange ways to speak to us sometimes, but maybe it’s because we try so hard to shut out that still small voice when we are angry, that He takes any opportunity He can to get through to us. At least that is what He did with me that evening.

Answers Are Revealed In Unique Ways

As my husband and I watched this week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy, we felt Him in one of the storylines.

A Rabbi was in the hospital battling a reaction to antibiotics he was given. As he laid there dying, he noticed one of the doctors in emotional pain. She felt lost, alone and angry.

The Rabbi opened the door for her to share her story. It was a story that sounded a bit like mine.

She shared with him that her whole life, she had followed His rules. She studied, believed, practiced what she preached and did every single thing He asked of her.

The Rabbi asked her, “And that guarantees you what? Where is it written exactly, that if you do this or that, that everything in your life is going to be good? Nowhere in ANY faith is there a guarantee.”

The doctor and I responded almost in unison, “I’m not asking for everything to be good all the time, but fair.

Fair? Was it fair when Issac went blind, and then his child betrayed him; and where’s the fairness when Sarah had to wait 99 years before she had a child and God told her to sacrifice Him? And Moses couldn’t even get past the bouncer to the promised land. I’m not up on the sequel (the New Testament) but from what I hear, Jesus got a raw deal. Nobody in the Bible lived a life free of suffering or injustice, or it wouldn’t have been a best seller and if they lived lives like that, why should ours be different? …..Faith wouldn’t be real faith if we only believed when things were good.” Rabbi Eli replied.

“So,” the doctor stuttered, ” the world is just cruel and random, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it?”

“I don’t have a lot of time here, so I’m just gonna tell you, you sound like a child. Terrible things happen. Terrible, wonderful, devastating things happen. Who the hell are you to know why?

……So you can either believe in God and goodness or you can believe it’s pointless, it’s cruel and it’s random. Whatever makes you happier…. God’s not indifferent to our pain.” he rebuked.

My husband and I sat in silence for several minutes as the show went to commercial, but we both felt Him. The evidence was in the tears that flowed down our cheeks.

God had taken us in His arms and let us know He was never blind to our tears or silent to our pain.

Our Life Matters

He reminded us that we do matter, that we have not taken one step without Him.

1- God Wants Us To Be Authentic.

God wants us to be real, not only during the good times but even in the hard times. He can handle our anger, our anxiety, and our pain. It is no secret to Him what we feel, even though there are times we try to hide it from Him. Being angry is better than giving up and walking away because anger is temporary.

2- God Has Our Back.

When others stab us in the back, we tend to want to defend ourselves. In Hebrews 10:30 it says”God is a just God, and He will repay the exact compensation owed you. He will settle and solve the cases of His people.”

3- Our Setback Is The Platform For Our Comeback.

It’s human nature to feel we’re being punished or we did something to deserve the hardship we are experiencing.
Our future is wrapped up in how we respond to our setback. If we focus on what we’ve lost, then we lose sight of what is to come.

4- We Never Walk Alone.

God will meet us where ever we are if we quiet ourselves long enough for Him to get a word in. He will use anything He has to get us to listen. He did it with Balaam and a donkey, Moses with a burning bush and my husband and I through a television show.

And so today, my hope is to give you a little encouragement with this post.

Whatever hardship you may be going through, remember this; God is there going through it with you. He has never abandoned you. He has never once forgotten His promises to you. And he will never let you walk alone.

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